Coughing

So a general eh feeling has come rolling into my life. But like most weather patterns of storms or fog, it should go away unless on Saturn.   I even stayed home from work. 

I had this stomachache and headache that wouldnt go away.  I dont think it was anything I ate.  It came at the same time as my period, which normally, I dont have any problems.

But now I have this cough.
I was enjoying so much of my time in Korea.  This week I have felt mentally slow, physically ill and emotionally broken.   So of course I retreat to cooking and eating.  It would have been wiser to go for a heart healthy run along the river bank.  I let a temporary, random emotion control how I behave.  Unfortunatley, this eh occurance comes too often in my life and I retreat into a semi hermit shell....I have to be social to keep the questions away and keep off Facebook so I dont spew my negativity online.

I feel crazy and I cant sleep.  I am not sleep which makes me so unfocused and stessed.  My immune system is at a weakened state and I need rest BUT I CANT SLEEP. 

I want to go back to those weeks that I felt I was enjoying my life, thinking positive about my future and getting a restful sleep.

Mean dreams

I can't call it a nightmare because I wasn't scared.  I get so frustrated during many of my dreams.
I was hoped that my dream time would be a great time to escape the realities of my craptastic real life and participate in a better, imagined one. But to no availe, it is just as bad and even worse.

No sexy wet dreams; I get a relationship that is more frustrating than my real ones. How do you get turned down in your own dreams? Cuter guys, better sex but these dream boyfriends are meaner, ashamed to be with me, difficult to share affection....and my list can continue but that would be depressing.

My parent's, family and friends are even more needy and frustrated with me in my dreams.

I even get phone calls in my dreams that frustrate me. Last night, a doctor's office called and wanted me to relay a message to someone I knew.  Why am I takin messages in my dream ? For some reason, they wanted the patient to take the jet or maybe it was their helicopter for her appointment.  I think she had some treatments for her lungs.  They said her insurance would pay for it.  That's awesome and I can't even afford my monthly insurance but my dream friend gets to go by air.

Anyways, sleep never comes easy for me. If sleep and dreaming are alternate states of being, I'd rather stay awake .

Reading a blog adventure

Haha.
I just ready friend's blog.
It was about an uneventful Sunday. Sunny spring day with friend, her daughter and some wine and probably food.

Why I decided to grease her scalp, I don't remember but she loved it.
So she's Asian and does not need it or even knew what it meant.
She wanted to experience a quintessential black moment having to do with hair.

For some reason people with straight hair want curly or Afros and people with curly want straight, brunettes want to be blondes.

This girl loves to experience everything and anything. We were bored and she was eager.

With hot oil and a comb, she sat in front of my legs.  Relaxed all so quickly from the hot oil on her scalp, the comb traversing every inch, and followed by massaging fingers. Who wouldn't want that?
My turn!

Reading a blog adventure

Haha.
I just ready friend's blog.
It was about an uneventful Sunday. Sunny spring day with friend, her daughter and some wine and probably food.

Why I decided to grease her scalp, I don't remember but she loved it.
So she's Asian and does not need it or even knew what it meant.
She wanted to experience a quintessential black moment having to do with hair.

For some reason people with straight hair want curly or Afros and people with curly want straight, brunettes want to be blondes.

This girl loves to experience everything and anything. We were bored and she was eager.

With hot oil and a comb, she sat in front of my legs.  Relaxed all so quickly from the hot oil on her scalp, the comb traversing every inch of her scalp and followed by massaging fingers. Who wouldn't want that?
My turn!

Eh.

Outside. Breeze. Nice. Waves. Person

Love

Such a boring, undynamic word.  We use it in verb and noun forms- actions or ideas. 

What is that feeling when you can't leave the energy of the room? What am I feeling when a can say or do anything around that energy.  I have that with my friends. Sometimes around family but never around a love.

I enjoy have my guard down and enjoy being crazy and loved still.  My jokes, anxieties, facts are admired and accepted.  I would enjoy kisses, nakedness, laughs and a home. 

I'm beyond nervous. I hope for a great guy that will be perfect to me.  I want his energy to flame or excitement.

Headache and horny

rubbed

Being a woman on her period in a week of 90+ degrees (with stifling humidity) has not been fun.
The crew decided to beach it up. I was with ten beautiful, smart and crazy young people; we went off to our favorite section of the coast, a local spot.   I was on my period feeling Yuck and emotional but decided to take part. 

We had Coolers filled with water
and fruity beers. We shared cherries , grapes and chips with dips.  Brown people oiled up and laying out. I was dark enough so I shared blanket time under the umbrella. 

Okay, the water was just perfect.  The only way it could have been more perfect- crystal-clear, tasted like Sangria and sexy men were there to service me.  But that is only heard in legends or reality TV.  
Tossing the ball, riding the waves, trying to get people to take off their bottoms, getting people wet as they slowly adapted to the cold waters, looking for dolphins, laughing- I guess the beach can be uneventful.

I get out the water dry off and sit on a towel. Ah towel is pink but should be cream! Play that off, go pee and wash bottoms and towel in the sink.  All better but I just sit in the sand. I'd rather have pink sand. 

More time in the water. Out, hang out and we packed our stuff and ended an awesome beach afternoon. 
Nap was needed. I had planned a part two - catching crabs under a bridge.  I didn't make it to part two.  Headache time-probably I got that from not wearing the CPAP mess.

How hard is it for me to sleep!?  Full face mask over me to force oxygen  down into my body because I naturally prevent that from happening; I find sleeping that way as exciting as buying gas- Helpful but not cool. 

Lower oxygen levels-headache, being in my period-headache, needing to rubb